After a week of being assaulted with Pokemon Gold, I stumbled blindly into the universe of Pokemon Yellow. Much to my chagrin, I found the universe of Pokemon Yellow to be much like the rest of the Gameboy Pokemon titles. I really wish the protagonist of the series was not just a drooling child, but instead, Rambo. Rambo wouldn’t allow anyone to hide in the grass and throw shit at him, nonetheless get snuck up on by one-foot tall lizards and rats. The Rambo protagonist would silently creep through the stark undergrowth outside Fuchsia city and wait for his prey to crawl along. Instead of a Pokeball, he would just throw a dagger and proceed to eat the monster’s spleen.

No need to catch one if you absorb it.

The Game (Or Absence Thereof)

Alas, that much needed change of pace will never happen in the Pokemon series. The only refreshing thing about this title is the introduction of a roaming Pikachu that faithfully follows the protagonist around. While cute, and perhaps charming, it does not affect the game in any serious way. In fact, the only thing you can do with your new companion is to check and see how it is feeling. If Pikachu is severely injured or feels that his fighting prowess is being used inappropriately, it will stare out you with these cold, dead eyes while furrowing its brow. If it’s happy with your utilization, it will jump and smile while looking into your soul as if completely willing to steal it. And maybe Pikachu did steal the protagonist’s soul, because he is as lifeless, dull, and unimaginative as the rest of the series’ denizens. Hell, even the numbskull that is supposedly the great “rival” to the protagonist lacks any sort of flare. If anything, he comes off as retarded. He’s that guy that feels the need to tell you everything that he deems is great in his life, regardless of how miniscule it is. “Hey dude, I totally ate a pork chop last night. It was good or whatever.” Yeah, that’s the antagonist, plus a bit of extra drool.

Everything Else

The story starts and practically ends within the first few seconds of the game. The protagonist, who I named “Bile” this time, is summoned to the great researcher Professor Oak’s house. Being the smart and adventurous kid that Bile is, he decides that going to a creepy old man’s house without supervision is a good idea. Upon arrival, the protagonist is given the opportunity to take a Pokemon for adventuring. Unfortunately, the antagonist shows up, steals the intended Pokemon, and he is left with the amazingly annoying and soul-grabbing Pikachu. From that point on, the protagonist is told to “Catch them all” and “Fight a bunch of dudes to win badges.”

The progression and mechanics are all the same from Pokemon Red/Blue. The player is forced to follow a series of roads that connect to a few cities all the while collecting badges from gym leaders and fighting other fairly eager trainers. The endgame is akin to a massive gym, with several trainers. Then, the game is over. Zero substance and zero flair. Even the visuals and sound are the same.

Final Thoughts

I said last week that the Pokemon series has the ability to be a great RPG and immersive experience for all ages if Nintendo so chooses. There are so many other things a development team could do for the series to at least spice it up. One great idea would be to quit releasing the same damn game. I realize that kids treat this series like cocaine. I can visualize them between Pokemon titles, rubbing the cartridge on their gums to get that last little high before their dealer gets the next shipment. It just needs to be said that a small bit of innovation with the battle system, progression, and story could make this bad title a bit more enjoyable. Pikachu and his beady eyes was a good step, but obviously the developers have since taken a few backwards. More monsters and trainers are not the solution.

Regardless, if you are a zombie and enjoy buying the same game over and over again, then Pokemon Yellow/Green/Brown/Red/Blue/Teal is a great idea and the perfect catch. Otherwise, stay the hell away from this Retro Wednesday title.