This week on Retro Wednesday, I review the greatest game of all time!  Or do I? You can only find out if you decide to click that “Read More” thing.

Developer: Sierra
Publisher: Sierra
Designer: Lori Ann Cole
Platforms: PC, Amiga, Macintosh, Atari ST

So Do You Want to Dig Around In Your Computer?

Sometimes digging around in a collection of games can rekindle a host of memories. After extensive analytical thought, I believe when I initially played Quest For Glory I: So Do You Want to Be a Hero I was probably thinking about Candyland, Zebra Cakes, and the “icky” girl in my 3rd grade class. When I wasn’t in the lunchroom trying to avoid cooties, I could always be found at home, absolutely enraptured with the presence of moving pixels on-screen, particularly with the QfG series.

The Basics

So Do You Want to Be a Hero is a traditional, text-parser Action/RPG. Although unlike most text-parsers of the time, this game embraced the mouse. The introduction of the mouse allows players to navigate menus and statistics with ease. Fortunately, for the sake of experience, the game still relegated the exploration, dialogue, combat and puzzles to the keyboard. If anything, text-parsers are the experience the player can create via cleverness or abrasiveness.

The narration of the game is extremely subtle, and controlled by dialogue trees. When running into the local Hero’s Guild, you have to type commands like “look at board” and then pick the appropriate document to read. Conversing with the denizens requires information from the guild and applicability of the character. Buying magic spells requires “ask about spells,” then upon hearing the spell you seek, “buy flame dart.” Outside of that, it becomes all the same questions to everyone in the land; “Ask about baron,” “ask about baron’s daughter,” “ask about baba yaga,” etc.

If only every game could start out with a screen like this.

The game begins with a prompt to pick one of the three classes available in the game; the thief, the fighter, and the mage. The thief relies on his stealth, throwing capabilities, and his connections to his guild to survive the rough lands of Spielburg. The fighter relies on his strength and audacity, while the mage focuses on his skills and mysticism. Interestingly, hybrid class can be constructed, but can take away from the experience of solving the puzzles the correct way. It’s like going into Dairy Queen and ordering a soy milkshake. Why the fuck would you do that?

After the character selection and attribute allotments, the player is thrust into the barony of Spielberg on an epic quest to become a hero. His back-story is hazy, but his intentions are clear as you can observe his muscular tone and beautifully pixilated black cape. It appears that Spielberg has had many troubles of late and provides an excellent opportunity for the dashing wannabe to become a hero of lore. Among the many tasks picked up through the game, there are a few of substantial value to the storyline. The evil witch Baba Yaga has indoctrinated both of the Baron of Spielberg’s children, and its up to you to find where they are and how to help them.  In addition to that mess, brigands have come down from the north to take over the barony.  It seems as if there are two completely separate arcs, but the story blends these two issues together quite well.

The quests involve traversing the entirety of Spielberg and meeting many of its colorful denizens along the way. Some of the most colorful are ‘Enry the ‘ermit, Erasmus the wizard and his rat Fenrus, and the tragically misunderstood Antwerp. I highly suggest going into the alley behind the pub at midnight for a good laugh as well. Just run off though, those bastards don’t deserve your hard-earned coin.

The sheriff, a goon, and a wannabe hero.

Train And Fight

The combat system is particularly straightforward and practically mindless. There are four options your character has in every fight. He can swing his sword, block, dodge, or cast a spell. The raw options are handled via the arrow keys, but you have to manually type “cast flame” if you plan on choosing a loser-ass mage. The game world is designed for a third-person perspective to navigate each grid, but every meeting with a foe thrusts the player into a first-person perspective.

Push up on that arrow key, mate.

Each one of these skill attributes feeds into another, larger attribute. Dodging feeds into agility, etc. That system makes the mindless repetition into a growing experience of the character you choose. Training can take place outside of battle as well. Utilizing the combat trainer in the courtyard of the castle, or just throwing rocks or spells randomly increases attributes as well.  The majority of your playing time will be spent upgrading the skills of your character with these repetitions.

The Problems

While So Do You Want To Be a Hero is a fun experience, it also lacks a decent amount of polish. Quite often the game can turn into a save and load fest when attempting to solve puzzles or avoiding enemies on the way to a safe zone. The wrong choice will always result in your character’s death and an untimely end to your experience. Playing a game without a safety net can be frustrating. Luckily, this game created such an impression on me in my youth, I remembered practically every question I needed to ask and every correct solution to a problem thrust my way.

When attributes start pushing the higher levels, and Cheetaurs and Trolls start beginning to prowl the grids at all times, combat can turn into an even more exhaustive affair. The beginning of the game rewards players with frequent bonuses and attribute boosts, but the higher levels require an insane amount of repetition of action. The difference between the “throw” skill at level 88 to level 89 is “throw rock” two hundred or so times.

This scene, while fun and original, is a sonofabitch on a computer made after 1989.

Another obvious kink is our new age processors and computers. The game was originally glitch ridden, often tossing me out to the DOS Tree when trying something especially taxing. Now, the problems are brought about ten-fold while trying to operate this game on Windows XP with a gig a ram. It was simply not designed for the machines of today.

The game is also very short. My marathon session lasted four hours and the majority of that came from my prior experience of the game. The “replayability” is all in the nostalgia. I sought to play it again for this review and for my own personal satisfaction, not because it was some amazingly interesting or thoughtful RPG.  Regardless, So Do You Want to Be a Hero is a great game that is sure to hold most Action/RPG guys’ attention.

***

The Good

• Great satire that is sure to make you laugh at least once.
• Going through the correct sequence of events to achieve a goal is rewarding, as shown by the heroic posing.
• Attribute system gives you something to do outside of just running around fighting goblins. Or going to the mysterious “goblin cave.”
• Unique enough to make you remember it for awhile
• Text parsers are dead, but provide an unique experience.
• Portability of your hero from this game to the next

The Bad

• Leveling can become a huge hassle as the game progresses
• Some of the time-based missions are a pain, considering the game only has two colors to denote time.
• The fighting is archaic and very old-fashioned
• The bugs and glitches of the old are doubled on our newer computers
• The game is brutally short, especially if this is more than your first playthrough.

Editor’s Notes

I have to be honest, I love this game.  Even though the crashes, bugs, and repetition stirred around in my head this entire review, I find it hard not to commend it for its unqiueness.  The experience of So Do You Want to Be a Hero is all about what you can think up and have it to be.  Asking the right questions, guessing the correct scenarios are all a part of the game - and ultimately the reason I enjoy it.  Yet, I can definitely see how a new player could get infuriated over the text-parser, and clunky and ultimate failures of not typing quick enough, or failing to type “look at rock” to solve a puzzle.  It’s fun, it’s short, and it’s a relic.  You should definitely check this out if you have never experienced this game.