Ok, this is me venting. My inner turmoil.

[Atlas]

I really don't want to do this, but my buddies are kind of unavailable at the moment, so you guys can listen and what not. Thanks.

I'll make this short as to avoid superfluous b/s.

Long story short: I'm sure you guys remember how I was dating a 22 year old mom of two twin daughters and how she lives in my apartment complex. If you didn't know, now you know. I broke up with her due to feelings of inability to be a father at the time and feeling as though my aspirations had dwindled due to the demanding relationship we had.

It's been about four months maybe? Sure, I should be over her, right? God I feel so stupid right now. Anyways, I went over to say hi to her and her girls when I look inside the window and there is this guy sitting next to her. Welp, guess who it is? Mr. Kyle. The dude she always talked about when we were together: "Kyle's really nice, he taught me how to run the espresso machine at work."

You get the point. So I knock on the door anyways, somewhat unsure as to why my head felt like it was going to explode (powerlessness, jealousy, etc.).

"Hi!"

"What are you up to?"

"Oh, just watching some T.V. with Kyle."

"Oh, good stuff. Been a while, eh? Haven't really heard from you."

"Yeah, I've had the flu."

"Oh... so... you and him... you know?"

"Nope. Just friends."

Anyways, by the time we say goodbye she's flustered and I'm feeling like a pile of shit just spread about the Berlin wall just before it got hammered to its fucking misery.

So, my friends aren't available, I'm telling myself not to be an ass... but seriously, guys, I'm kind of insane, but one thing that I do have going for me is my stable logic; unfortunately it's contesting my angry, jealous, guilty, power-tripping id.

Fuck.

[drunken monk]

Im a little confused as to what your getting worked up about. It is just the fact that you saw her hanging out with another guy or something else you didnt elaborate on?

[Devil King]

*gives Atlas a hug*

It's alright, dude. Shit happens.

For future reference, try not to do something that you'll regret later on; think about it a while before you do something drastic.

[Atlas]

think about it a while before you do something drastic.


That's what I'm trying to do now... -_-

[Ryujin]

So you're pissed because the girl you broke up with is hanging out with another guy, four months later?

I really don't see the problem here. You're the one who dumped her, after all. And it's not like they're actually dating. Just hanging out. Even if they ARE involved with each other, or become involved in the future, it's not like you've been betrayed or cheated on or anything.

If you DO do something drastic, what would it be? Go to her house and tell her you want her back now, after four months? That'd probably be one of the worst things you could do, since it sends the message that you just want her back because someone else might nab her. Which is a pretty crummy message to send.

So really, there's two options here. You could try to get her back, but don't be so upfront about it. Ask if she wants to hang out, get together sometime. Not necessarily a date or anything, just, you know, chilling out together and having fun. See what opportunities that opens up for you, but if she doesn't want to get back together, or has gotten with someone else, don't just, you know, drop her. Once again, that sends the wrong message. Only go with this option if you're willing to be satisfied with just being good friends with her, should it not work out in its ideal aspect.

The other option is to let it go. If she's found someone else, be happy for her. And move on.

[Devil King]

Right, and try to actually talk to her again, make her understand things and don't keep anything from her.

[Atlas]

You guys are absolutely right. I sort of already knew this stuff, but it's just nice to have some intelligent reinforcement.

Ryu: thanks for the sound judgement. You basically vocalized what I was knowing to do--let it go and be happy for her. The only reason I'm upset is because of my insecurity, really. Because in all honesty, I don't want her back... I just feel as though I've lost cotrol, which I have.

And thank you, too, DK. For the hug and for the advice. :)

I'm just really emotional. It's great for creativity, but real life situations can bring out the worst in me. Bah.

[charolastra00]

Girls do have male friends, you know.

In any case, I would run- not walk- away from this situation. How long did you date? Certainly not long enough to have any reason to meet the kids and ESPECIALLY have any inclination for stepping in as a father figure. That should be about a million red flags of doom jumping up in your face about this woman. People who drag their kids in to every single relationship they have are absolutely apeshit insane to me. My grandmother was like that with my dad and he grew up always losing father figures.

Any drama you have with her will probably play out with the kids since you already know them. Just stay out of that for their sake.

[LataKali]

People who drag their kids in to every single relationship they have are absolutely apeshit insane to me. My grandmother was like that with my dad and he grew up always losing father figures.

Any drama you have with her will probably play out with the kids since you already know them. Just stay out of that for their sake.

Exactly!

[Ryujin]

Girls do have male friends, you know.

In any case, I would run- not walk- away from this situation. How long did you date? Certainly not long enough to have any reason to meet the kids and ESPECIALLY have any inclination for stepping in as a father figure. That should be about a million red flags of doom jumping up in your face about this woman. People who drag their kids in to every single relationship they have are absolutely apeshit insane to me. My grandmother was like that with my dad and he grew up always losing father figures.

Any drama you have with her will probably play out with the kids since you already know them. Just stay out of that for their sake.

I wouldn't go so far as to say that. It's pretty much impossible for a single parent, especially a young one, to keep their love life separate from their home life. It's not exactly like she can afford a babysitter so that she can go out on a whole lot of dates, and it's not like she can expect a guy to ignore the two kids running around while he's at her house. It'd be pretty ridiculous of Atlas to consider stepping in as a father figure for the woman's children, but that doesn't mean she has to keep them from being aware of his presence or some other bullhonkery. I mean, "not long enough to have any reason to meet the kids"? Exactly HOW LONG do you have to date a girl before you meet her kids? At least she was honest and up-front with him about it. If I got involved with a girl who had kids I'd probably want to meet them right off.

You're making it sound like she was beating him over the head with her children, trying to force him to be her babydaddy just 'cause they were dating. And who knows, maybe she was. But it sounds like you're extrapolating biased conclusions based on your own past experiences. Cut the girl some slack. Being a good single parent while maintaining any semblance of a love-life at ALL is almost impossible. Of course the two are going to overlap. You say he should avoid a relationship because the kids might get traumatized by a break-up? Oh boo hoo. I grew up watching my mom's boyfriends come and go and I never gave any shits at all. What's a single mother supposed to do, never ever date ever because "the kids might get involved"? Fuck that noise. People have needs.

[Data]

I agree with Charolastra. Not all kids will be traumatized by a revolving door of dads, but some will. Kyle sounds like he could've made a great babysitter.

[Poofy]

You'll live.

[Phakiel]

Yeah, skip this man, I am sure you still have feelings for her and all but it was you who ended it and it has been way too long now. It is better to move on and live with your decisions that dwell on the possibilities and consequences of having taken one particular choice, choices in life are what makes us who we are, besides, honestly, i would steer the fuck away from young single moms, just saying.

But thats more of a personal stand as I believe that young women with children and no husband are damaged goods.

[LataKali]

But thats more of a personal stand as I believe that young women with children and no husband are damaged.

And if they were married to the child's father, but it didn't work out? What then?



I wouldn't go so far as to say that. It's pretty much impossible for a single parent, especially a young one, to keep their love life separate from their home life. It's not exactly like she can afford a babysitter so that she can go out on a whole lot of dates, and it's not like she can expect a guy to ignore the two kids running around while he's at her house. It'd be pretty ridiculous of Atlas to consider stepping in as a father figure for the woman's children, but that doesn't mean she has to keep them from being aware of his presence or some other bullhonkery. I mean, "not long enough to have any reason to meet the kids"? Exactly HOW LONG do you have to date a girl before you meet her kids? At least she was honest and up-front with him about it. If I got involved with a girl who had kids I'd probably want to meet them right off.

You're making it sound like she was beating him over the head with her children, trying to force him to be her babydaddy just 'cause they were dating. And who knows, maybe she was. But it sounds like you're extrapolating biased conclusions based on your own past experiences. Cut the girl some slack. Being a good single parent while maintaining any semblance of a love-life at ALL is almost impossible. Of course the two are going to overlap. You say he should avoid a relationship because the kids might get traumatized by a break-up? Oh boo hoo. I grew up watching my mom's boyfriends come and go and I never gave any shits at all. What's a single mother supposed to do, never ever date ever because "the kids might get involved"? Fuck that noise. People have needs.

Actually, as a "single" mom (single not by technicality, but not with my child's father), I can assure you, there can definitely be a separation, and personally, I feel it's necessary for quite a while. I made the mistake years ago of introducing someone I was seeing to my son too quickly. I had to work the day of my son's bike rodeo at school, so the guy I was seeing agreed to take him. The night before the bike rodeo, this guy broke up with me, and when I woke my son up at 6am, I had to inform him that he couldn't participate afterall. It broke my heart, and his. So, at that point, never again. Secondly, I don't see it fair that just because a woman/man has a child from a previous relationship, their new significant other should suddenly be placed in the role of a parent. In addition, I think adding that kind of pressure, especially early on, could seriously damper the natural and harmonious growth of a new relationship.

Of course single people should date, if they so desire, whether they are parents or not. But it's not necessary to get the kids involved unless it becomes serious, for the benefit of both the child and the new relationship.

[Cyrus the virus]

I agree with Charolastra. Not all kids will be traumatized by a revolving door of dads, but some will. Kyle sounds like he could've made a great babysitter.

I don't know if it's wise to take the chance. Kids remember some pretty random things, and while I don't believe in coddling children, I also don't believe in assuming they'll respond well to something like a constant change in father figures.

I can relate to Atlas's emotional-ness. It takes a tremendous amount of will to overcome urges like the ones you're going to have about this, but it's only you who can muster it.

[Phakiel]

And if they were married to the child's father, but it didn't work out? What then?



Same, it applies to unmarried young women and divorced ones. Dont get me wrong, as with most of my views on assorted matters, I realize my stand is unfair, hypocritical, judgmental and morally reprehensible, so dont try to make me see this please since I already know.

I however cannot help think about some things the way I do, its part of who I am, I can be very liberal and open about certain things like homosexuality and atheism, but some things I guess I will always have an archaic and ignorant view of.

EDIT: And actually, my previous post wasnt complete, i dont mean damaged as emotionally, although they could be but just as much as any person in other circumstances, so its not like an inherent trait or something. I meant damaged goods and naturally come with baggage.

[Less Than Liz]

omg dude stop being such a weiner

[Cyrus the virus]

Liz only says that because she loves weiners.

[LataKali]

Same, it applies to unmarried young women and divorced ones. Dont get me wrong, as with most of my views on assorted matters, I realize my stand is unfair, hypocritical, judgmental and morally reprehensible, so dont try to make me see this please since I already know.

I however cannot help think about some things the way I do, its part of who I am, I can be very liberal and open about certain things like homosexuality and atheism, but some things I guess I will always have an archaic and ignorant view of.

EDIT: And actually, my previous post wasnt complete, i dont mean damaged as emotionally, although they could be but just as much as any person in other circumstances, so its not like an inherent trait or something. I meant damaged goods and naturally come with baggage.

Well, my friend... "I may not agree with what you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it."

I find your stance totally narrow minded and judgmental, but you already admitted to that, so... to each their own. :)

[Ryujin]

Oh, yeah, like damaged is a bad thing. Pfft. We've all got damage, me hearties.

[Devil King]

I don't. ;)

[Inari]

I think what Phakiel is trying to say in his own special way is that single parents come with obligations. Young single people that are looking to date and have a good time generally should steer clear of these situations. Most early twenty-somethings in this day and age are not prepared or willing to burden themselves with responsibilities that have any sort of permanence or consequence. You're not doing anyone a favor by dating them and inserting yourself into their family when you have no real intention of ultimately making their obligations your obligations.

It's one thing if you casually date a single parent. It's another thing entirely if that person wants you to induct you into the family. If you don't want that, then as Choralastra said: run, don't walk--run. Otherwise, not only will you feel massively guilty once you're over the relationship and split (which is not bad or abnormal, it just happens) but it's not good for kids to witness a revolving door of people that their parent becomes visibly attached to and then completely disappears.

And no it's never a good argument to say, well I came from that situation and look at me I'm super dandy. Hey my parents beat me with a nine iron when I was little and I turned out great. In fact it worked so well I think I'm probably gonna beat my kids too.

[Void]

Wait... Why do you feel like an ass? I'm not really sure what's so bad about that encounter?

[Atlas]

If you're talking to me...

[Data]

I don't know if it's wise to take the chance. Kids remember some pretty random things, and while I don't believe in coddling children, I also don't believe in assuming they'll respond well to something like a constant change in father figures.

I can relate to Atlas's emotional-ness. It takes a tremendous amount of will to overcome urges like the ones you're going to have about this, but it's only you who can muster it.

I agree totally, I was responding to a previous post of someone who said that his single mom's boyfriends didn't affect him adversely.

[Cyrus the virus]

Well hot damn then we agree! Awesome!!!!!!

[Atlas]

Well, ladies and gents, as I walked by her apartment, I could see the light or T.V. or something on in her room (the living room was empty). His car was there.

Friends don't just lay in bed together.

I'm taking it better than I imagined.

[Void]

If you're talking to me...

Who else here said that they felt like an ass?

And you're being kind of nosy, aren't you? YOU were the one who dumped her. And it's already been several months. She's obviously trying to get along with her life. Just find another girl to get worked up over. Perhaps one that's not already involved with someone else.

[Atlas]

Ok Love Guru.

Nosy? Psh, hardly. You really don't have to do much to see what's going on--walk by, lift up your head, voila. And moving on is exactly what I'm doing. It's just difficult when she lives RIGHT THERE.

Lesson learned: don't fuck the apartment's single mother.

[Inari]

I think the real lesson here is don't QQ on the forums.

[Atlas]

No, trust me, I should have learned that one a long while back. It might never happen at this rate.

[Phakiel]

I am your huckleberry.

[Cyrus the virus]

Whyyy Johnny Ringo. You look like somebody just walked ova yo' graaave.

[Phakiel]

My fight's not with you, Holliday.

[Data]

Oh I beg to differ, sir.

[Phakiel]

All right, 'lunger'. Let's do it.

[Cyrus the virus]

Awww... I was just foolin' about.

[Phakiel]

I wasnt.

[Atlas]

Oh my. What have I begun.

[Void]

Nosy? Psh, hardly. You really don't have to do much to see what's going on--walk by, lift up your head, voila. And moving on is exactly what I'm doing. It's just difficult when she lives RIGHT THERE.

My bad. I read the first post wrong. Thought you meant you lived together while you were dating. Didn't realize she lived in the same building, rather than same apartment.

[Atlas]

Well, I know everyone is just itching to hear how I'm dealing with this today. :)

An epiphany hit me not too long ago. It was beautiful, aesthetic, and subtle. Looking back at my relationship with her, I see that we really could have been great together; I loved her and those girls. But along with that realization, there is something else, something bitter-sweet, something that only hindsight can reveal as a tool for the future--that I did what I did, I felt what I felt, and life goes on.

Hope the best for her.

[Ryujin]

grats

[Void]

What the fuck? Where's the craziness in that?

[Mary]

Yeah, go make a true crazy statement and light something on fire.

[Inari]

Well that was underwhelming.

[Atlas]

I did think a baseball bat would have been a nice addition to his windshield. They would have known it was me, though. :P