What to do when someone doesn't get the message?

[Less Than Liz]

A few weeks ago the shit hit the fan at my house. I got a text message from someone I kinda-sorta knew from Kickball and who I was going to be on a co-ed softball team with. I don't particularly care for the guy. I think he is pretty annoying but well-intentioned so I don't want to be too hard on him. I don't find him physically attractive in the least. Anyway, he asked if I wanted to hang out. So I was like "Fine," as anything was way better than the current drama at home.

I pretty immediately regretted it but was courteous and hung out the rest of the night. He asked if it was a date. I said "No, it's not a date." He asked if I would want to go on a date. I also said "No, thank you." Then he asked if, generally speaking, I wanted a boyfriend. Again, I said "No, I do not want a boyfriend." I was about as clear as is humanly possible that 1) we were not on a date and I am not interested in him; 2) we were never going to go on a date; and 3) I am not actively seeking out someone to steadily date ie. a boyfriend.

And yet he keeps texting asking to hang out. Normally this is not suspicious but I am not retarded; I know darn well what "Let's hang out" at 2 AM entails. I do not believe for a minute when I'm invited to a kegger with him as a "date" (his use of quotation marks) that it will actually be interpreted as a platonic evening. My excuses thus far have been pretty transparent and I think a normal human being would have gotten the message by now.

Normally my response to this is "Well looks like you have to spell it out" but I already did the first night so I am at a loss. It's not my goal to be a jerk but being direct and upfront has not worked, nor has making courteous refusals. My biggest problem is, during our "Is this a date" conversation he stated that he believes women want to be "chased." In other words, basically anything I do to refuse his advances can (and probably will be) interpreted as "come hither."

So, now what? I've no idea what the next best approach would be. I figure someone here must have been in at least his position if not mine....

[Tenacious P]

Taser.

Or what Blue said.

[Atlas]

Let me give you some very thorough advice: just stop talking to him. For some people the "message" won't be clear at all until it's too obvious to deny.

[WOTON]

^^ Good advise. Just ignore the person. Hopefully he won't become a stalker than you have to get the restraining order.

[Polygon]

For me the ignore method has always seemed to work. However, if he's very determined that might go the wrong way and he could become a stalker. I don't know, but you'd probably be able to judge if he'd take it that far.

If ignoring doesn't work then you just need to flat out tell him that you're not interested in HIM specifically, and that it's not going to change and that he needs to stop texting you and asking you to hang out.

[Atlas]

What these guys are talking about is possible, but I wouldn't worry about it too much. He's just bent out of shape, that's all. Stop talking to him for a couple of days and see how that goes. If he continues to pester you and starts giving off strange vibes, then obviously talk to a family member or a close friend (preferably a very buff male friend that will tell him off).

The cops should be a last resort. I highly doubt you'll have to go that far. Keep us posted.

[Mark]

Just tell him you have a new boyfriend. and that you cant hang out with him and to please stop texting you at O' Dark thirty in the morning. it may be lieing however it will break it to him softly and he should stop completely.

[Devil King]

Ignore him. It's as simple as that.

Girls can be pretty bad about this sort of thing, too. But to be quite honest, I do like to be chased. ;)

[Trillian]

Yup, everyone else got it first. Ignore him! Don't talk to him, or if you must just say no to hanging out. So far the ignore option has been my trump card in every freaky-boy-who-wants-to-get-with-me moment. I've ignored emails, phone calls, texts, and even the person himself in public places. It's hard to be mean like that, but sometimes it's the only method that works.

[LagDragon]

I've been seeing a girl for a few weeks and I think she's more into it than I am. We've partied quite a bit together and when she gets drunk she either tells me she loves me, or if she's pissed that I'm too tired to fuck she'll say she doesn't even like me anymore.

When we just hang out, it's nice and I like her. But I don't want a girlfriend, and I'm starting to get the impression that she wants a relationship. So I'm gonna have to tell her it's time to take a step back and I don't know if she's gonna like that too much. I don't wanna hurt her feelings, because she's a great girl and we have some mutual friends. Oh well though... I'm not gonna lead her on.

[Less Than Liz]

Pssssh, make your own problem thread! ;)

[Cyrus the virus]

I have this problem where Lag doesn't return all the love I throw at him on the forums...

I personally hate the ignoring option. He might be annoying, but he probably doesn't deserve that. I've been on both ends of this situation and hated the ignoring possibility while in either situation.

If I'm the chasing one, I prefer the honesty. Tell him you're not interested and that you're not playing cutesy chase-me games. If a girl is chasing after me a bit too much I tend to be too blunt, but it works.

[Atlas]

Sounds like you're assuming the kid's going to logically listen to anything Liz tells him.

[Less Than Liz]

Tell him you're not interested and that you're not playing cutesy chase-me games.
I was very clear when he brought the topic up, hence my problem: what do you do when being honest and upfront and crystal clear has not worked?

[Atlas]

Just ignore him. Like we said. How has that situation been, by the way?

[Tenacious P]

It's not an anomaly that this guy won't take no for an answer. It happens a million times every day. You say you were upfront and crystal clear, but this:

He asked if it was a date. I said "No, it's not a date." He asked if I would want to go on a date. I also said "No, thank you." Then he asked if, generally speaking, I wanted a boyfriend. Again, I said "No, I do not want a boyfriend."

is not crystal clear for a lot of guys. If that's the only effort you've made so far to snub him, and he's not leaving you alone, you need to do a better job of telling him no. Maybe you have already, and he still persists. If that's the case, don't you have any big muscle-head guy friends who can tell him to back off?

[Less Than Liz]

Are you kidding me? Saying "no" to every possible romantic scenario is not being clear enough? I'm sorry, but I officially wash my hands of this one. If that's honest-to-god not clear enough for the vast majority of guys then the vast majority of guys are retarded.

Especially when:

I was about as clear as is humanly possible that 1) we were not on a date and I am not interested in him; 2) we were never going to go on a date; and 3) I am not actively seeking out someone to steadily date ie. a boyfriend.

[Tenacious P]

You are such a girl. First of all, "a lot of guys" is not the same thing as "the vast majority of guys." I would say that a vast majority of men have trouble taking hints from women, but most would back off in your situation. However, there are a lot of thick-headed guys out there who really can't take no for an answer, and this guy is one of them. So, the obvious answer is to be more direct. You can do that by literally telling him "I am not attracted to you or interested in you in any way, shape or form. Your persistence is bothering me and you need to leave me alone."

[Less Than Liz]

"I am not attracted to you or interested in you in any way, shape or form." = "I was about as clear as is humanly possible that 1) we were not on a date and I am not interested in him."

And yeah, I'm clearly a girl, ten points for you on that one. If I seem peeved it's because I am; I'm tired of trying the proper avenue of being upfront and direct and not getting any return on it. It's not only bothersome but embarrassing and makes me feel guilty to a certain degree. On the whole it's very uncomfortable and if beating him on the head with a lead pipe labeled "No" doesn't do the trick I don't see how that is me acting like a girl more than a person who is partially annoyed and partially put in an awkward and sensitive position that is difficult to maneuver out of. I'm certain you can sympathize what with women flocking to you all the time.

[Atlas]

I was thinking the same thing as Tenacious, but from what you have presented us, you did what you were supposed to do.

Unwaveringly ignore him--and don't try to hard to do it, just do it naturally, so it doesn't become some kind of chore. The last thing you want is to waist your time going too out of your way because of some poor sap.

[Cyrus the virus]

Ignoring is fucking stupid and cowardly as fuck. A lot of guys need to be hit over the head with the truth and that's what you should do - to hell with ignoring him.

You said you were very clear. To me, you were. To him, he thinks you're playing some stupid game. Tell him in plain terms that you are not playing a game, his behavior is pissing you off and you want it to stop.

Saying "no" means nothing because your peers like to play these stupid games where "no" means "try harder". If he can't pick up on the fact that you aren't like some other girls, whatever, that sucks. Tell him he's pissing you off and to leave you alone.

"I am not attracted to you or interested in you in any way, shape or form."

If this is an exact quote than he's either thinking you're playing a game with him or he just doesn't care that you aren't interested and wants to pursue you anyway. In which case I still don't think ignoring is the right option, but strong deterrent is. If he keeps asking you to hang out and you keep saying no, he'll eventually realize you're not fucking around.

It's definitely the more difficult option, but god do I hate the ignore route.

[Karsh]

Every time an ugly hits on me, I just start acting really gay

[Hyde]

I don't think ignoring him is the best bet. I think Cyrus is mostly right here in terms of talking to him one last time to tell him you're not at all interested in him in a romantic way and that he needs to back off.

Or go with Karsh's option. That's always fun.

[Atlas]

I would have agreed with Cyrus back in the day, but what his advice implies is that one should care.

After growing a bit older and a bit wiser, emphasize a "bit,"...Who cares?

Seriously. Stop with the sentimentality. Sure, it's good to tell a man when he's in the wrong, but Liz has already tried that. People here seem to keep forgetting this fact.

[Powerslave]

Just tell him to go away.

[sheeP]

I've been in a similar situation, ands believe it or not, some girls cant take a hint either.

Usually politely declining their offers doesnt work because you're still being nice about it.

In addition to ignoring the person in question, brainstorm some insults that will deeply offend them and make them reconsider why they liked you in the first place

Normally I dont like being an asshole, but sometimes thats the only way to get them to ignore you

[LataKali]

Indeed. I tend to pick on people who will not leave me alone. Eventually, after they have had enough of my smart ass remarks, they just stop talking to me. Try calling him "ma'am" or "miss" all the time. Most guys don't care much for that. ;)

[Mark]

"I am not attracted to you or interested in you in any way, shape or form." = "I was about as clear as is humanly possible that 1) we were not on a date and I am not interested in him."

And yeah, I'm clearly a girl, ten points for you on that one. If I seem peeved it's because I am; I'm tired of trying the proper avenue of being upfront and direct and not getting any return on it. It's not only bothersome but embarrassing and makes me feel guilty to a certain degree. On the whole it's very uncomfortable and if beating him on the head with a lead pipe labeled "No" doesn't do the trick I don't see how that is me acting like a girl more than a person who is partially annoyed and partially put in an awkward and sensitive position that is difficult to maneuver out of. I'm certain you can sympathize what with women flocking to you all the time.

Then fuck it place a restraining order on him, that will make him stop for sure!

[Atlas]

I've been in a similar situation, ands believe it or not, some girls cant take a hint either.

Usually politely declining their offers doesnt work because you're still being nice about it.

In addition to ignoring the person in question, brainstorm some insults that will deeply offend them and make them reconsider why they liked you in the first place

Normally I dont like being an asshole, but sometimes thats the only way to get them to ignore you

Oh God. If being an asshole didn't do the exact opposite, that would be my first response to any unwanted attention. Any girl with self-respect will get the message if you're an asshole. It's the ones who love to be abused that you've got to watch out for.

Crazy bitches.

[Cyrus the virus]

I would have agreed with Cyrus back in the day, but what his advice implies is that one should care.

After growing a bit older and a bit wiser, emphasize a "bit,"...Who cares?

Seriously. Stop with the sentimentality. Sure, it's good to tell a man when he's in the wrong, but Liz has already tried that. People here seem to keep forgetting this fact.

You are not older or wiser than me when it comes to relationships with people, certainly. I'm only excellent in one aspect of life and that's in how I treat people. Ignoring the guy is going to take care of Liz's issue here, but if she was a little more blunt she would not only solve the issue, but actually help him smarten up a bit if he's got any character.

Who cares? People care. Don't give that older and wiser spiel if you're jaded over what's happened in your personal experiences. A "who cares?" mentality does not make you at all older or wiser, just a grump.

[Atlas]

Oh, well all of this is "wisdom" talk is subjective, anyhow. And I am a bit of a grump, but at heart I'm quite the optimist. Furthermore, I do care about people. There just comes a time when you have to let it go and take the less scenic route in life.

Besides, Cyrus, I don't think it's for us to decide whether or not Liz should care. I'm not trying to cause an arguement with you. So it's probably best if you just be quiet. ;)

EDIT: And you really should avoid your pompous, presumptuous attitude about who I am. If you knew anything worth knowing, you'd know it's pure futility to try and compare yourself in such manners--whether your statement is true or not true, it's an absolute waste of time.

[Inari]

Publicly humiliate him.

[Cyrus the virus]

Don't worry Atlas, comparing myself to you isn't at all fair, and so I try not to do it.

I'm wondering what Liz's current status is with this situation.

[Mark]

Publicly humiliate him.

I Love your way of thinking...much better then my restraining order thought.


or you can just kill him and bury the body in his own basement. just a thought. :/

[Less Than Liz]

I'm wondering what Liz's current status is with this situation.
He doesn't contact me as much but that could be because I've avoided lingering on Facebook, which is usually where he'd catch me at 2AM. Invited me to Darien Lake on Wednesday but that's my sister's graduation. If he hadn't creeped me out by now I'd be more inclined to accept normal invitations, but he's past the point of no return now.

I'm going to quit that softball team and if he asks what the deal is be upfront, again.

[Atlas]

Yeah. If the ignore method isn't a success you should just tell him again, I suppose... I sorta feel sorry for ya, Liz. =/

[LataKali]

Oh god, this happens to everyone. Get over it.

[Less Than Liz]

It's not that I haven't had to deal with persistent guys before, but not to this extent. He's genuinely creepy and won't back off, and the fact that "no" means "yes" doesn't make me especially comfortable either. And, as bad as I'm sure this sounds, war veterans can occasionally come back with, you know, some issues. For the record, I'm not /ignoring/ him, just trying to tread a careful line.

Also, I only updated because Atlas asked. I'm not in the habit of asking AllRPG for romantic (or not-so-romantic, in this case) advice. No offense, guys, obviously. But I appreciate the responses nonetheless, so thanks.

[moogle]

My advice: embarrass the hell out of this kid. We live in the age of Facebook, get creative. Sounds like he deserves it.

[Atlas]

Oh god, this happens to everyone. Get over it.

It doesn't happen to everyone, actually. I'm sure scorpion can attest to that. :-) Jk scorp. j00 mai boi.

[Cyrus the virus]

What the fuck, Atlas?

[Atlas]

Get your head out of your ass. I was just joking.

[Devil King]

Hahahaha, I love this forum. You people are just the funniest!

I hope you all feel the same way about me, just don't get too clingy and shit or I just might have to ignore every single one of you (or be upfront and tell you to go suck a turd to a point and go stab yourself with it.) I'd really hate it if I had to do that.

[Atlas]

Are you saying you want sexual favors? Cyrus! Your presence is needed.


EDIT: Bahahaha...

[Cyrus the virus]

He's not androgynous enough for that yet.

[LataKali]

From personal experience, I beg to differ.

[Cyrus the virus]

I dunno, I take that definition pretty seriously!

How well can he tuck his penis between his legs so it looks like he doesn't have one?

[Genopuff]

take your palm and slam it into his nose in an upward motion as hard as your hand and if he doesnt die from his bone being slammed into his brain...then he will get the hint.



but really give a brother a chance let him take you to a movie or something worse comes to worse you get a free movie and you do the above and he gets the hint if he doesnt die.

[LataKali]

How well can he tuck his penis between his legs so it looks like he doesn't have one?

Better than Buffalo Bill. ;)

[Void]

So, now what? I've no idea what the next best approach would be. I figure someone here must have been in at least his position if not mine....

This guy actually likes you lot, so naturally the best thing to do is to be a huge jerk ass and walk all over him. Abuse his feelings to the point that it's so heart wrenching to be in any kind of contact with you.

[Atlas]

I love how everyone keeps giving advice. I wonder what she will actually do...

Next time on The Liz Diaries:

Will Liz poison young Charlie as to dispose of him?

Or... Will she find out that she truly is in love with this maniacal stalker?

Find out... next time.

[Void]

Make a Youtube rap about how you took pictures of his tiny penis (but still wouldn't let him get any) and showed it to all of your friends and they thought it was a french fry. And then send him the link.

[Genopuff]

for the win

[Atlas]

She should at least give his penis a chance. Penises have feelings, too.

[LataKali]

Now, now, I never said that. Just depends on the mood. I wish people could change their gender at will; one day be a guy, the next a girl, if they so desired. That would be most awesome.

[Atlas]

Naw. It'd take all the mystery away. Then we'd all kill ourselves of boredom.

[Devil King]

Naw. It'd take all the mystery away. Then we'd all kill ourselves of boredom.

That just doesn't compute, somehow...

[Atlas]

Cuz your chip is broken.

[Tenacious P]

\take your palm and slam it into his nose in an upward motion as hard as your hand and if he doesnt die from his bone being slammed into his brain...then he will get the hint.
That wouldn't bode well for Cyrus.

[LataKali]

Cuz your chip is broken.

I'm totally wooed by your awesome computer skillz.

[Atlas]

Would you like to see my hard drive? All systems are a go.

[Mark]

Liz do you really want some real advice to get rid of this guy? or do you just want to here what kind of things you should tell him?

in all honesty. first step is to Un-facebook the dude. then block him. this will tell him that you are tired of his shit. the second thing is to talk to a male friend of yours and ask him to tell this guy to back the fuck off. those two alone will get the picture through his head. if he keeps getting worse and worse then the only thing to do as much as I hate to say it is to talk to his friends and tell them to let him know. if that does not work then the only thing I can say is you have a certified stalker on your hands. then (in a non-joking way such as before) you need to take it to the proper people (I.E. the Police) and file a report that he is indeed stalking you.

if you dont have a male friend willing to tell the guy off I will be driving through Rochester on Monday. I will tell the little asshole off. just let me know and I will make a pit stop on my way back home to michigan and have a field day on his ass. I would help out any of my "old school" friends here on the forums if they really needed it. so I would not mind helping ya out on this (it would actually kinda be fun).

[twerp]

Why is it always the ones you have no interest in are the ones who never get the hint?



I say make use of the situation and get him to do shit for you. Say you can't hang out because you have so many chores to do. Next thing you know you can have this guy picking up you dry cleaning for you.


If he's that much of a sap he won't even complain about it.

[Void]

I like that idea the best. I mean, next to the YouTube rap.

[Atlas]

I think twerp's idea is horrid. The dude will definitely become a stalker if she does that. Good Lord.

[Void]

Noooo way.

[Devil King]

Would you like to see my hard drive? All systems are a go.

I would, can you show me?

[twerp]

I think twerp's idea is horrid. The dude will definitely become a stalker if she does that. Good Lord.

Sure, but nothing a quick trip to the police station and a retraining order won't fix.


Plus, if he's a real creepshow and kills your dog or something, you can sue his ass for emotional damages.

[Cyrus the virus]

\
That wouldn't bode well for Cyrus.

I don't get it. Does that mean I have a huge brain or a huge nose? Or that I creep on girls a lot? Or that I don't get subtle hints? Because some of these things are sometimes true.

Edit: Ohhh is it because I creep on Liz all the time? I think she's cool with that, at least to the extent that she doesn't want to break my face.

[Atlas]

She'd break your heart in a second though.

Ask that dude she led on. ; )

*runs*

[twerp]

Hey, if the most recent Maxim with Olivia Wilde on it has taught us anything, it's that men are starting to view intelligence as sexy.


You know...as long as she's not a fatty.

[Atlas]

Hey, I resent that.

[Tenacious P]

I don't get it. Does that mean I have a huge brain or a huge nose? Or that I creep on girls a lot? Or that I don't get subtle hints? Because some of these things are sometimes true.

Edit: Ohhh is it because I creep on Liz all the time? I think she's cool with that, at least to the extent that she doesn't want to break my face.
I was making a ridiculous Con Air reference to see if anyone would get it.

Fatal uppercut > jail time > hijacked prison plane > motorcycle chase in vegas > kill Cyrus the Virus

[Void]

Hey, if the most recent Maxim with Olivia Wilde on it has taught us anything, it's that men are starting to view intelligence as sexy.


You know...as long as she's not a fatty.

I prefer neither.

[Trillian]

Ummmm.... did he get the message yet?

[Void]

No kidding! I want details damnit!

[Cyrus the virus]

I was making a ridiculous Con Air reference to see if anyone would get it.

Fatal uppercut > jail time > hijacked prison plane > motorcycle chase in vegas > kill Cyrus the Virus

Oh.























































Well okay then.

[Less Than Liz]

I figured out how to block someone on Facebook. He can still text, but it's a dent. Hopefully he doesn't notice - or does but doesn't bother asking "why" because I don't want to explain myself again.

Is blocking on FB new? I swear it wasn't there before.

[Mark]

I figured out how to block someone on Facebook. He can still text, but it's a dent. Hopefully he doesn't notice - or does but doesn't bother asking "why" because I don't want to explain myself again.

Is blocking on FB new? I swear it wasn't there before.

no its not. I blocked my ex a long time ago. the thing about it though is it makes you look like you deleted your profile. everything that person you blocked does wont show up on yours or any of your mutual friends profiles. and everything you post on anywhere he will never see. to an extent atleast. I found out the hard way that they can still see some small things you do and say (my crazy ex she proved that very well) but with it also proves that you have blocked them. I unblocked my ex after I redid my profiles because I heard she was talking mad shit about me, and I wanted to see for myself. then right away she begged for me back. thats the one things I HATE about facebook. once I get my new computer (sense my old one decided to kill itself) I will block her again (I cant seem to figure out how to do it on my phone). its a pain in the ass, if I leave it like that for too long then she will stop shit talking and try and reason about us again. not something I wanna ever deal with again. she can go straight to hell, cause I know she will try to pull that shit again...like she always does.

[Cyrus the virus]

Yeah, it's been there forever. I have enough ex drama to know this. Eee.

Good of you to give him a chance to stop being a douche before you went that far, Liz.

[twerp]

Just another poor soul chewed up and spit out by the "Soul Crusher", Liz Weeks.

[Cyrus the virus]

She's a maaaaneater make you work hard make you spend hard make you want all of her love.

[Atlas]

I think Liz should make a poll of the guys she's interested in and let us, the good people of AllRPG, decide her fate.

[twerp]

That's a terrific idea. Plus, explaining the process to the eventual winner would be priceless.

[Mark]

I think Liz should make a poll of the guys she's interested in and let us, the good people of AllRPG, decide her fate.

Honestly I think that is a horrible idea. I say stay single its more fun that way and no strings, and much much less drama. I like being single :D

[Void]

I think Mark should make a poll too.