Poetry Thread

[Atlas]

Without a Word

or Our Existence

The myriad of letters and words that could describe

You and our tones and phrases

Seem nought, out of place, and intended;

So, without a word, a cliched semblance,

I will simply kiss and delight your soul

And kill off the wretched pretense of hope.

Invincible as we may seem, death and dying await

Anything we ever do or say. Instead of philosophy

Or optimism, let’s fly away and live and die

Happy, or sad, or simply conjure the red

In our veins and bleed out on a bed of symbolic glory,

The kind reserved for fabled gods and war-torn heroes.

Without a word, a cliched semblance, I will bring

Into remembrance that day I made you smile; that day

My heart whistled in the cavity of my chest; my eyes

Saw beauty in the form of a lost and found pretty

Goddess in full bloom. Evade the wretched pretense of

Everything and run away, with not me, but with the undying sense

That we belong.



Eloping The Viral True

Ejaculate on the miniscule faith of

Thee hundred million heads and

Sit beneath my brevity as

An untruth ties the knots.

[Hyde]

Written on a Tuesday Night For the Sole Purpose of Exercise

Who is the reflection if the mirror never lies?
I see in it a face that I hardly recognize.
And in it's false demasking,
A pain that leaves me gasping,
As I see a lonely god in my own reflected eyes.

Who are we if not gods? Who are we if not men?
And part in part we give and take with simple sharing hands
All tangled up in limelight
We share in what is finite
That we are simply wandering in our own forsaken lands.

A hollow empty feeling that leaves me sitting in the rain
This same scene's been repeating every hundred years again
I sit and wish for something
A change from this mind numbing
And Oft repeating pattern that I'll never rid my way

If only there were such a way to change the world we see
To make sure that our own mistakes could ne'er be repeated
For all to live in solace
A peace for all they've taught us
This world will never last if we don't learn from History

My history is longer than my face or words can say
My prose is not prosaic, nor prophetic and seldom tame
A simple enough lie to lead
A piece of fabled history
I'm just a lonely god without reflection, without a name.

[Savagehippie]

"A Heart Wept Outside the Gates of Eden"

Twilight fills my soul inside
A cold breeze corrupts my Dove
I am Apollo waking, still denied
Of a paradise once called Love

A Serpent's lies shatter my brain
I kissed the fruit with the thorn,
as I crawled on the chilled Christ of Cain
Poison pierces flesh, my heart is torn

I once could feel, smell, touch, taste, and hear,
as I embraced my Seraph, who on a pedestal sleeps
Now my eyes are far too desolate to shed a tear
Here on the fields of the Nephilim, my heart weeps

Longst have I felt the urge to walk in the Garden once more,
Laughing hand-in-hand with my Seraph along Genesis shore

[AspiringVictory]

I really like "Without a Word or Our Existence", and "A Heart Wept Outside the Gates of Eden". In both poems however, I reject the lines of the Goddess and of Apollo; but that is for my own personal reasons, and is not an idictment of the poems themselves. In the former, there is much that I do not understand, nor do I try too hard to do so. I simply enjoy many of the lines. In the latter, I really enjoy the last two stanzas.

Thank you both for sharing. I wish I could get into more detail, but it feels difficult to do so. A "nice work", or simply, "beautiful" comment seems just as appropriate as a ten page discourse. I did enjoy reading them though.

I see things with the Seraph sleeping on the pedestal, and the fields of the Nephilim (what a magical line!). I hope to dwell on these lines more in the future. Thank you. And again I say that response feels dull and unnecessary, but alas.

[Atlas]

Gracias. All input is very welcomed.

[Savagehippie]

Yes, thank you very much my friend! Working on a poem for my niecephew right now, as he/she could be born any day now.

[Atlas]

Celebration of Life & Death

say we were forever. i am a tree. you are the celebration of life beyond; and we are the bright shine on the dead souls who walk the earth. reality wrecks us into the timeless.

[AspiringVictory]

I really like this Celebration of Life & Death, but I absolutely hate the fact that you choose to take the names of Hellenic deities.

And no, I am not joking. Although, it is your choice and you have the right. You could be more sensitive though. Probably not a member named Jesus Christ, or God, or Jehovah, etc.

[Atlas]

Well thanks... I think.

[Atlas]

Sunk

Eloquence eludes me. My mind makes a formidable visage upon my face. She wanted forever; so did I. She made me feel at ease. Too easy. Too comfortable. Now she’s dead and I am alive. Am I next? Will I die soon? There must be life after death.

Finger the penetrable hole. An offering unto myself. Self taught I bring along the equal yolks of depravity & lust; they turn into something beautifully crafted. Such is love. My landscape to explore and destroy.

I sink myself into her. The untouched has become freed. The whore has become loved. A gargantuan force. Slaves unto a godless world. Her blood seeps into me and I reveal god to be vicarious.

[Hyde]

I really like this Celebration of Life & Death, but I absolutely hate the fact that you choose to take the names of Hellenic deities.

And no, I am not joking. Although, it is your choice and you have the right. You could be more sensitive though. Probably not a member named Jesus Christ, or God, or Jehovah, etc.

Don't bible thump here. EVER. I swear to god, I will ban you.

Not everyone is a Christian(though Atlas is) and let me tell you something: Christians get a lot of things wrong about religion, life and the means by which people live it. Don't you dare ever throw your religion in someone's face around here. Learn to be what being a Christian was supposed to mean: TOLERANCE

Also, if I've misunderstood and you're not Christian, okay fine. Still...you don't get to decide what constitutes an acceptable username around here, so don't comment on it.

You don't have to like it. Keep it to yourself.

On a side note: This is the second time in two days I'm defending Atlas. What the hell...?

[AspiringVictory]

Don't be ridiculous. Did you even read my post? You quoted it.

Wow, you were way off.

[Atlas]

Can I get some feedback on "Sunk"?

Too much? Not enough? Overzealous? Break me in half in need be.

[Hyde]

Don't be ridiculous. Did you even read my post? You quoted it.

Wow, you were way off.

Then you go right ahead and explain.

[Devil King]

Don't be ridiculous. Did you even read my post? You quoted it.

Wow, you were way off.

I don't see much difference between, say... Yahweh and a deity like Apollo. I really don't see what the big deal is.

[AspiringVictory]

I don't have to keep it to myself. I can say whatever in the hell I want. If you don't like it, you can ban me. Needless to say, I said nothing which would lead you to react in such a way unless you already harbored a certain amount of spite and disliking for me. You're a petulant child, Hyde. Go fuck yourself.

By the way, Atlas, since I'll probably be banned for this, here's my last chance to tell you that of course I was only joking, as you probably know; that is to say, I do enjoy your writing, and I don't think it sucks.

[Atlas]

You won't get banned, silly.

And thank you.

[Atlas]

Oh wait. No. You're kind of an asshole.

Why? Because you actually said prior to reading these poems that my writing was "crap." So now that you apparently think my writing has significantly improved, you can't just tell me that, can you? You have to add your personal bias regarding my alias?

Secondly, the second Hyde gets on your ass, you're just one big teddy bear, aren't you?

And yes, you can say whatever you want. But stupid is still stupid.

[Hyde]

I don't have to keep it to myself. I can say whatever in the hell I want. If you don't like it, you can ban me. Needless to say, I said nothing which would lead you to react in such a way unless you already harbored a certain amount of spite and disliking for me. You're a petulant child, Hyde. Go fuck yourself.

By the way, Atlas, since I'll probably be banned for this, here's my last chance to tell you that of course I was only joking, as you probably know; that is to say, I do enjoy your writing, and I don't think it sucks.

I was annoyed by what I perceived as closed mindedness, and your religious zeal. I don't like religious zeal. At all. Zealotry is a bad thing. I had no previous problem with you until that point, but the way you decided to respond has certainly given me a reason to have a problem with you now.

What you said did not come off as a joke. At all. It came off as the remarks of a closed minded individual, unwilling to accept another's choices....and then to say that his name was "inappropriate" essentially.

Go Fuck myself? Which of us is the petulant child here?

In the span of my comment, I did not feel the need to curse even once. Where I may have been abrasive while attempting to protect the right to free belief on these forums, I did NOT resort to name calling and cursing like an infantile teenager who was just scolded by his daddy.

You will not be banned. Learn something from your own behavior before using big words you, "needless to say", don't understand.

[AspiringVictory]

Oh wait. No. You're kind of an asshole.

Why? Because you actually said prior to reading these poems that my writing was "crap." So now that you apparently think my writing has significantly improved, you can't just tell me that, can you? You have to add your personal bias regarding my alias?

Secondly, the second Hyde gets on your ass, you're just one big teddy bear, aren't you?

And yes, you can say whatever you want. But stupid is still stupid.

Okay this thread is quickly devolving into a stream of retardation and miscomprehension. Nobody seems to understand one another, and quite frankly I find it amusing. Atlas, when I said I was only joking, I was referring to the times that I said your writing was crap. I wasn't saying that I was joking about the religious comment. I never said your writing improved. When I liked your stuff, I told you so. When I said "Atlas' writing sucks, hahaha", THAT was the joke. You should have already known that however, considering that those jokes came days and days AFTER I had already responded positively to some of your stuff. Get it?

Regarding your alias, it's because I have too much respect for the deities you are naming yourself after. It seems trivial to name yourself after Gods, as if they were mere characters. However, if you go back and read my comments, you will note that I said it is your choice and you have the right. So you can take it as an attack if you want to, but I assumed you understood, and that only Hyde was overreacting.

I laughed my ass off at the teddy bear comment. I have absolutely no idea what you meant by that, but I thought it was hillarious. When Hyde attacked me, I attacked him back. I didn't soften, I bristled with hardness. No idea what you meant by that. (Still chuckling though)

Hyde, if I were saying that his name were "inappropriate", why would I have said that it was his choice and he has the right? Makes no sense. You acted childishly by waving your big bad ban stick around. You shouldn't confront someone and expect them to simply take it. I'm not some teenage forum groupie seeking your good graces in hopes of being named a Moderator. If you threaten me, I will respond accordingly. There was no need for you to threaten me however, because you clearly didn't understand my post and went off like a child.

And me using a "curse" word is not even half as bad as what you said. Having said all of that, this is all just bullshit, so whatever.

[charolastra00]

Regarding your alias, it's because I have too much respect for the deities you are naming yourself after. It seems trivial to name yourself after Gods, as if they were mere characters.


I will use this opportunity to throw out an "I told you so" to Hyde. :D

[Hyde]

Hyde, if I were saying that his name were "inappropriate", why would I have said that it was his choice and he has the right? Makes no sense. You acted childishly by waving your big bad ban stick around. You shouldn't confront someone and expect them to simply take it. I'm not some teenage forum groupie seeking your good graces in hopes of being named a Moderator. If you threaten me, I will respond accordingly. There was no need for you to threaten me however, because you clearly didn't understand my post and went off like a child.

And me using a "curse" word is not even half as bad as what you said. Having said all of that, this is all just bullshit, so whatever.

I am so done with all this bullshit and noisy chatter from small minded children in my life. You're not some teenage forum groupie? Neither is just about anyone else here, so you're doing them all a grave disservice with your commentary and belittling the moderators we do have.

[AspiringVictory]

Sunk

Eloquence eludes me. My mind makes a formidable visage upon my face. She wanted forever; so did I. She made me feel at ease. Too easy. Too comfortable. Now she?s dead and I am alive. Am I next? Will I die soon? There must be life after death.

Finger the penetrable hole. An offering unto myself. Self taught I bring along the equal yolks of depravity & lust; they turn into something beautifully crafted. Such is love. My landscape to explore and destroy.

I sink myself into her. The untouched has become freed. The whore has become loved. A gargantuan force. Slaves unto a godless world. Her blood seeps into me and I reveal god to be vicarious.

I didn't like this very much. It's too wordy. Eloquence does, indeed, elude you here. "Too easy, too comfortable."- this is shit. I don't like where you put it either. It's like an ugly hangnail, fuck off. "Now she?s dead and I am alive. Am I next? Will I die soon? There must be life after death."- lame.

I laughed at the "hole" line. Rather suggestive. All in all, everything is rather out in the open. One might say, it's not too poetic. Not a great deal of allegory, methinks....but...

I do really like the last 'stanza'. Slaves unto a godless world; very nice line. You have a number of very nice individual lines throughout your works. I don't necessarily like what comes right before or after. In this case, you follow it through with, I think, the best line in the poem: "Her blood seeps into me and I reveal god to be vicarious." This is really good. It's deep, meaningful, wise. I say it in my mind with a kind of flair.

[Atlas]

I just wish you could like all of it.

Oh well. Such is life.

[Devil King]

I just wish you could like all of it.

Oh well. Such is life.

Why?

[Atlas]

Because I don't take blunt criticism very well.

And I just want to be perfect. Not that this is necessarily a healthy desire, but I am insecure about myself from time to time.

[Cyrus the virus]

We all are, sir. *cuddle*

[Hyde]

I'm rather not, actually.

[AspiringVictory]

"I just wish you could like all of it."- I can't think of a single poem in all the world which I like in its entirety. I don't really like many of the so-called great poets' works, including your Walt Whitman. The more extravagant, the more mainstream, the more...distant and misty. I have found poems by people on this site and rpgn.net (now defunct) which I like much more than many works by Ginsberg, Whitman, Hugo, and the like. Then there's some poems, which I can't be sure I would like had I not first heard the words spoken, and acted out, as is the case with MCMXIV, by Phillip Larkin. It's unassuming and probably stuffed in the cobwebs of great English poetry. But someone took it out, dusted it off, and threw it in the film, "The History Boys", and since then I have read the poem a good number of times.

Poetry is fickled.

If you don't take blunt criticism very well, then beware the Corner when AV is on the prowl.

[Atlas]

Ja man.

[Atlas]

The Claimer

A scent became brilliant and my brow threw itself upward. She was waiting for me to take her hand, to become the claimer. To not withstand and to withstand. Endurance became a familiar shadow. As I picked her up into my wings, I bellowed the freedom of intoxication. Clarity became newly defined as we left this world together. It became a man in a cape. Our archetype who fared well under impervious hoax and folly. Come into us, wisdom. Below I saw her and now she's at my brow. Unfettered. Leveled and brave. We are.

[AspiringVictory]

"A scent became brilliant and my brow threw itself upward. She was waiting for me to take her hand, to become the claimer. To not withstand and to withstand. Endurance became a familiar shadow. As I picked her up into my wings, I bellowed the freedom of intoxication. Clarity became newly defined as we left this world together. It became a man in a cape. Our archetype who fared well under impervious hoax and folly. Come into us, wisdom. Below I saw her and now she's at my brow. Unfettered. Leveled and brave. We are."

Beautiful. It is unique. It is all you, all your own. I might say, if it were Keats or some other famous poet, that the second use of "brow" is ill-placed; that I do not like it there. That I do not want to see it again after the first use.

This piece is all you. You should be proud of this.

[Atlas]

Thank you very much. I really appreciate that.

[AspiringVictory]

I have revisited the lines of the Nephilim, Savage. And lo, I searched and searched, and all the whirlwind of time, all the texts and views and dreams of the Most High, the noblest, the Seraphim, are many-faced...and so the truth is lost. Who conjured these beasts, these six-winged. Crying aloft the throne of God, the endless praise, the burning love. Who, I ask you, who pardoned such servility. Savage, it takes a brave heart; no, a steel heart, to be alive and yet so selfless. And they were alive before life itself. The crying Angels of wings and flames and love. The highest rank. The Seraphim.

But you, you would walk hand in hand with one? I think not. Not ever. And so, I have discovered a lie in a poem. And it is strange to me. I would have Lethe, and sleep, and awaken, and never grow old with knowledge; and always await what dreams may come.

[Ozymandias]

Regarding TVM's "The Claimer":

While I agree with AspiringVictory that the second "brow" may be exchanged for a different word for more variety, I also feel that you've successfully created a strong change of scene with "now she's at my brow."

And just to clarify, when you say "It became a man in a cape," is "it" referring to "clarity?"

As for AV's most recent post/reply-to-savage/prose:

That's a great job ameliorating the untouchable angel-rank of Seraphim. Building Seraphim up as you did, and then choosing the Lethe over it, has some very deep implications.

[AspiringVictory]

No way!!!!!!!!!!! OZYMANDIAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Greetings, clever poet. I have often wanted, since returning to the CC, to post your Contentions, just so that others could read it. Now that you're back, I hope you will. You made a grand fop out of me, without knowing it. Your writing was so spectacular, and you cleverly hid everything. In retrospect, it's as if you were just a kid. But my, what a brilliant piece! In fairness, I was just a kid.

I will repost your third stanza, because it's my favorite, and because it really speaks to me. This is a perfect example of how I can like something found on these simple message boards more than the encasings in the grand hall of poetry. After eight years...:

The pride, the prudish pride of my dear friend, my rare companion, fighting to the end
My role model in youth who led me through deep water dark, has fallen victim crude.
He seeked my angel, lovely and thus fair; for pride, however, that she did not care
He let his ego escalate to rage, for what was there that he did not deserve?
The lashes swerved from her to me with speed, his growing tempest bursting mine eyes wide
Sweet sleep escaped me! Running rampantly, he tore my fantasy quick from my mind
Reality ensued, the milky twilight, the essence forming fast to grasp my heart
The dormant, surly thoughts of worthlessness that make their mark, yet leave no scar behind.



Ah, Ozy. The pride, the prudish pride...



Sweet leaves of Autumn.

[Ozymandias]

Haha, although I appreciate the compliments, they are completely undeserved. Retrospect has a sickening effect of making one's writing complete crap. I winced a couple of times reading that stanza, thinking, "Really Ozy? Really?"

And what's worse: my writing has only devolved since then.

Anyway, just as a heads-up as to why I've risen from the dead (haven't visited a forum since 2004), I've decided to create a thread and post poems/screenplay scenes/novella chapters daily. In reality, this will probably mean a daily poem full of crap. You're welcome.

I have long avoided the fact that, in order to become a better writer, one needs to write daily and read voraciously. There is no adequate substitute. I'm tired of my writing being a pipe-dream, so I will now take the plunge.

The purpose of a personal thread is not to aggrandize myself, but to avoiding clogging this thread with Drain-O resistant crap known as daily poems. Anyone else willing to take the plunge with me by making a personal thread (providing it isn't against any forum rules), feel free to do so.

[AspiringVictory]

Your post is full of vulgarity and self-deprecation, but I won't chide you for it. I understand, really I do. I suppose it's probably different for people. I could be wrong, but for me, I think it might hurt me if I wrote too often, and wrote and read just for the sake of doing so, in hopes of improving.

What is improving?

To write a beautiful thing...it may very well come from some higher power. Would you conjure a lighting bolt? One 'substitute' might be Inspiration itself. But maybe you will come to it through these means you propose. Writing is an artful thing. I have always tried to avoid studying it. There can't be only one way for everyone though, unless I'm wrong.

The 'plunge' indeed; good word selection. I hope it doesn't become so.


It's true...looking back, you could revise this poem and make it better. I'm not in the habit of revising my stuff, but you could probably improve upon this.

But the pride, the prudish pride!

my dear friend, my rare companion, fighting to the end

Simply beautiful.

[Ozymandias]

To write a beautiful thing...it may very well come from some higher power.

I agree wholeheartedly with this statement, but I also believe that the instrument through which that higher power operates needs to be refined consistently. Whenever a lightning bolt comes, it conducts better in copper than rubber.

And I'm laughing that I managed to make you word-count the word "crap." Ohhh, ho ho ho ho....

[AspiringVictory]

"I agree wholeheartedly with this statement, but I also believe that the instrument through which that higher power operates needs to be refined consistently. Whenever a lightning bolt comes, it conducts better in copper than rubber." - This is well said, Ozy.


Ode to Victorious

Blighted field of rock, bright cliff top rendezvous
so snorts the horse and mare
and grey these gray things shuddering beneath the blue sky's weight

The rider
alert and ready
steady as the tides of wind that blow his cape along
once scout, once fielder, once prey
now the venomous swarms will part their way, and stand apart as he goes

his Odin spears, the horns bursting from above
his shadowed eyes the doors of death, and unforgiving mouth which knew forever no kiss

Ozy, say I, who goes there?
What -pray tell- what leaf would float and not a-cinder at the touch?
What diamond stand, and be not broken?
Wherefore this silent pride born and nobly cultivate?

Ask not -sayeth he- for I have no knowledge of the man
But we were wise who stood away
For Victory clings to him like ivy, like the frost
He hath Odin's rage, and smoldering in his closed hands lay the dawn of destruction
An' so let us hence

Through a valley we descend, and on and on
So close at our backs is he, and in the wind his very voice
many a time I jerked round to find nothing but an illusion of his armored coat
The dusk drink at some stream's mouth, and there in the leaves his grey and black
in the forest owls and the wolves of prey his eyes red and mouth of doom
Ozy we are damned, and condemned to fear for all our lives

An' so, says he, we must take it in hand, dying nobly at this, our must-be end
And then, with one action, takes he his life

But I go on, and push the front, past sheep and herders
Across mountains I burn with guilt, lose all notion of the haunted rider
My sword I slash across my face, and my limbs covered with my flowing red
The fear of eternity in this shame; nightly I pray to a forgiving idol of my own device

In the next great red sunset stand I at a cliff's peak
and before I jump bow I my head to the rider, master of all
Victorious to the last

[Atlas]

Stranger Still

There is the way I once knew;
The shape and mold of it was strange.
Its posture somewhat like the willow.
Friends would say to no surprise,
That's just how he is.

One night, I knew; or was it day?
It all seems the same these days;
That my shape was to be stranger still;
Like mud or some tender clay
In the hands of a child.

This new shape may seem normal
Or the noble cause. But this table
And these chairs aren't empty anymore.
The band is but a promise that
These chairs be filled.

Two chairs became three,
Then four and five; the sink was
Finally full, the wisdom finally shared.
This is the way I long to know.
The child's hands are boundless.

[Raph]

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man
And as for the bucket, Nantucket

[Cyrus the virus]

BLEW MY MIND