scorpion
06-25-2008, 08:10 AM
link to the article: http://www.gamepro.com/microsoft/xbox360/games/features/193568.shtml#comment_1578956
10- Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball (SNES)
Bill Laimbeer was kind of an a-hole when he used to play in the NBA. So it makes sense that the world's biggest basketball league in 2030 (which isn't the NBA, incidentally) would hire him as the commissioner. Bill then decides to abolish any civility the game had left and creates a basketball league in which mines and bombs take precedence over passing skillfully and strategically setting picks. Surprisingly, even though his age at the time of the game would be 73, he's still the best player in the game. Then again, Charles Barkley is supposed to save the world 11 years later at the age of 78, so maybe these NBA players know the secret to longevity.
9- Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball (Xbox 360)
This upcoming Xbox Live Arcade game fuses every geek's greatest love and fear. Many of the folks who constantly wage message board wars about which sect of ancient warriors would win (Ninjas would, btw) were constant targets during the most brutal of gym sports; dodgeball! Now the threat is neutralized, as you can take both of the idolized groups of humans onto the field to face off against each other, or other awesome life forms like robots and zombies. Seriously--pirates, ninjas, robots, and zombies. All this game needs is Chuck Norris and it's the undisputed 2008 Game of the Year.
8- Skate or Die (NES)
Long before Tony Hawk ruled the skateboarding genre, Skate or Die was the only extreme game worth a damn. And hoo boy was it extreme. Not extreme in the 900 degree kickflip with a tailgrab way. Extreme in the half-pipe jousting, splattering kids on the downhill ramp, and being chased by a tornado way. Oh, and it used a trackball in the arcade. Now that is extreme.
7- NASCAR Rumble (PlayStation)
Do you like watching cars drive into a circle for three hours hoping to see a fiery crash? Then you probably like NASCAR. Unfortunately, there are some things about NASCAR Rumble you may not be too keen on. There's all sorts of twists and turns on the tracks, and you can fend off your opponents with oil slicks and tornados. On the plus side for you NASCAR fans, all of these wacky additions ensure you a nice pileup that you pine for at the racetrack.
6 & 5- TIE- Mutant League Hockey/Football (Genesis)
We thought long and hard here at the hallowed GamePro offices over which sport is made weirder with the addition of mutants and monsters; football or hockey. Then we remembered that today's NFL and NHL players are equally weird, so we called it a tie. The fact that these games tie is a bit ironic, since neither of these freaky leagues would condone a draw. Whether you're a robot getting blown to smithereens by an exploding puck or an alien missing first down due to falling in a firepit, these are the most brutal athletes since OJ Simpson.
4- Mega Man Soccer (SNES)
Why include Mega Man when Mario has crazy sports games out the wazoo? Here's a few reasons. Mario can see fit to put aside quarrels to engage in a variety of activities with his enemies like board games or go-kart racing, while Mega Man has been engaging in constant warfare with the Wood Mans and Elec Mans of the world. Mario's sports adventures have also adhered to canon, meaning you can't have more than one Mario or Luigi on the field, meaning that teammates consist of more common characters like Toad or Monty Mole. In Mega Man Soccer you can (and often have to) have multiple Mega Men or Needle Men on your team. According to the game, the extra players are "holograms," but come on now--why aren't they being used on the field of war as well as the field of footy?
3- Outlaw Golf (GameCube, PlayStation 2, Xbox)
Golf used to be the domain of the weird gamers who actively sat down and watched the real thing on Sunday mornings. Then came Hot Shots Golf and Mario Golf, and suddenly kids hit the links. But what about the other 98% of the world's population that enjoys boobs and swearing? It may have taken awhile, but Outlaw Golf finally filled that void. Featuring characters like an S&M mistress, a white rapper, and a crazy redneck participating in exhibitions of golfing, gyrating, and occasionally punching each other, Outlaw Golf was only topped in weirdness by its holiday-themed bonus disc, 9 Holes of X-mas, which added elves and snow-capped courses to the mix. Hoes, hoes, hoes!
2- Caveman Games (NES)
Even though prehistoric man lacked the ability to speak coherently or create wheels, according to the classic sports title Caveman Games, Homo Erectus liked nothing better than performing Olypmic-style events thousands of years before a bunch of Romans in robes thought it would be fun. Vaulting over dinosaurs, racing to avoid being devoured by a saber-toothed tiger, and tossing your female mate by her hair--heck, is there any part of this game that wasn't a natural part of pre-historic life anyway? And don't give me that "Flinstones were way more civilized" nonsense. They cut all the bad parts out in syndication.
1- Tecmo Cup Soccer Game(NES)
A kid seeing this game on the store shelves in the early nineties probably thought Tecmo Cup Soccer Game (yes, "Game" is part of the title) was the soccer equivalent of Tecmo Bowl. A realistic (at the time) yet arcade-style take on a popular sport that was criminally awesome. Tecmo Cup Soccer was awesome, but for completely different reasons. It was a soccer RPG. Yes, you read that right. A soccer RPG. Instead of exerting full control over movement, passing and shooting, Tecmo Cup Soccer had you move your player on the field (map) until you ran into an opponent (enemy) at which point you had to pick a play (attack). Each of the players on the team had a personality, and the opponents consisted of some pretty crazy characters. Once you've face off against the Zaps and the Ninjas, you won't want to waste your time with that Beckham guy anymore.
10- Bill Laimbeer's Combat Basketball (SNES)
Bill Laimbeer was kind of an a-hole when he used to play in the NBA. So it makes sense that the world's biggest basketball league in 2030 (which isn't the NBA, incidentally) would hire him as the commissioner. Bill then decides to abolish any civility the game had left and creates a basketball league in which mines and bombs take precedence over passing skillfully and strategically setting picks. Surprisingly, even though his age at the time of the game would be 73, he's still the best player in the game. Then again, Charles Barkley is supposed to save the world 11 years later at the age of 78, so maybe these NBA players know the secret to longevity.
9- Pirates vs. Ninjas Dodgeball (Xbox 360)
This upcoming Xbox Live Arcade game fuses every geek's greatest love and fear. Many of the folks who constantly wage message board wars about which sect of ancient warriors would win (Ninjas would, btw) were constant targets during the most brutal of gym sports; dodgeball! Now the threat is neutralized, as you can take both of the idolized groups of humans onto the field to face off against each other, or other awesome life forms like robots and zombies. Seriously--pirates, ninjas, robots, and zombies. All this game needs is Chuck Norris and it's the undisputed 2008 Game of the Year.
8- Skate or Die (NES)
Long before Tony Hawk ruled the skateboarding genre, Skate or Die was the only extreme game worth a damn. And hoo boy was it extreme. Not extreme in the 900 degree kickflip with a tailgrab way. Extreme in the half-pipe jousting, splattering kids on the downhill ramp, and being chased by a tornado way. Oh, and it used a trackball in the arcade. Now that is extreme.
7- NASCAR Rumble (PlayStation)
Do you like watching cars drive into a circle for three hours hoping to see a fiery crash? Then you probably like NASCAR. Unfortunately, there are some things about NASCAR Rumble you may not be too keen on. There's all sorts of twists and turns on the tracks, and you can fend off your opponents with oil slicks and tornados. On the plus side for you NASCAR fans, all of these wacky additions ensure you a nice pileup that you pine for at the racetrack.
6 & 5- TIE- Mutant League Hockey/Football (Genesis)
We thought long and hard here at the hallowed GamePro offices over which sport is made weirder with the addition of mutants and monsters; football or hockey. Then we remembered that today's NFL and NHL players are equally weird, so we called it a tie. The fact that these games tie is a bit ironic, since neither of these freaky leagues would condone a draw. Whether you're a robot getting blown to smithereens by an exploding puck or an alien missing first down due to falling in a firepit, these are the most brutal athletes since OJ Simpson.
4- Mega Man Soccer (SNES)
Why include Mega Man when Mario has crazy sports games out the wazoo? Here's a few reasons. Mario can see fit to put aside quarrels to engage in a variety of activities with his enemies like board games or go-kart racing, while Mega Man has been engaging in constant warfare with the Wood Mans and Elec Mans of the world. Mario's sports adventures have also adhered to canon, meaning you can't have more than one Mario or Luigi on the field, meaning that teammates consist of more common characters like Toad or Monty Mole. In Mega Man Soccer you can (and often have to) have multiple Mega Men or Needle Men on your team. According to the game, the extra players are "holograms," but come on now--why aren't they being used on the field of war as well as the field of footy?
3- Outlaw Golf (GameCube, PlayStation 2, Xbox)
Golf used to be the domain of the weird gamers who actively sat down and watched the real thing on Sunday mornings. Then came Hot Shots Golf and Mario Golf, and suddenly kids hit the links. But what about the other 98% of the world's population that enjoys boobs and swearing? It may have taken awhile, but Outlaw Golf finally filled that void. Featuring characters like an S&M mistress, a white rapper, and a crazy redneck participating in exhibitions of golfing, gyrating, and occasionally punching each other, Outlaw Golf was only topped in weirdness by its holiday-themed bonus disc, 9 Holes of X-mas, which added elves and snow-capped courses to the mix. Hoes, hoes, hoes!
2- Caveman Games (NES)
Even though prehistoric man lacked the ability to speak coherently or create wheels, according to the classic sports title Caveman Games, Homo Erectus liked nothing better than performing Olypmic-style events thousands of years before a bunch of Romans in robes thought it would be fun. Vaulting over dinosaurs, racing to avoid being devoured by a saber-toothed tiger, and tossing your female mate by her hair--heck, is there any part of this game that wasn't a natural part of pre-historic life anyway? And don't give me that "Flinstones were way more civilized" nonsense. They cut all the bad parts out in syndication.
1- Tecmo Cup Soccer Game(NES)
A kid seeing this game on the store shelves in the early nineties probably thought Tecmo Cup Soccer Game (yes, "Game" is part of the title) was the soccer equivalent of Tecmo Bowl. A realistic (at the time) yet arcade-style take on a popular sport that was criminally awesome. Tecmo Cup Soccer was awesome, but for completely different reasons. It was a soccer RPG. Yes, you read that right. A soccer RPG. Instead of exerting full control over movement, passing and shooting, Tecmo Cup Soccer had you move your player on the field (map) until you ran into an opponent (enemy) at which point you had to pick a play (attack). Each of the players on the team had a personality, and the opponents consisted of some pretty crazy characters. Once you've face off against the Zaps and the Ninjas, you won't want to waste your time with that Beckham guy anymore.