Grief

[Titan Voltaire Maximus]

So, I was thinking tonight a lot about how my week has gone, and how a lot of times we tend to keep our personal lives internal while on the boards.

I'm going to be very transparent here to start this thread out. This isn't a pity party by any means, but rather a place to share how you deal with your grief. You can give specific examples if you wish(this is what I'm going to do).

I love a girl... you've probably seen her in the picture thread. She and I have been wanting to date for a long, long time. We dated last summer and it went very well, but our lives became intensely busy and we put things on hold. It's been about a year since we put it on hold, and while it may sound unorthodox, we've also been commited to eachother while waiting.

So, the standards we had for eachother were not subjective to whether or not we were actually dating, because we knew exactly what the standard was. We were deeply in love.

So, basically, I was at a friends house a couple of days ago hanging out with him and his friend. My friend left, and I was left there with the woman. Long story short, things almost got out of hand due to flirtation. Nothing happened, really(besides almost kissing); but, for this girl that I love, it was enough.

It's over now... I've been handling the grief inside of my soul by allowing old habits to creep up. Things like smoking cigs, drinking, etc.

An epiphany of my loss of her will eventually come, and a light will shine down on me saying that I can move on.

Music helps, too.

Anyways, discuss.

[Less Than Liz]

I'm lost. What are you grieving about? Did she move away or die or refuse to speak to you ever again or something?

[Jarrid]

Yay, emo thread.

Like I have told you, sorry to hear that it happened like that, Atlas. I have been pretty bummed out about the whole idea of college right now. I am not sure if I want to continue to go or just forget about it. Also bummed out about living here in Arkansas. I feel so out of place.

[Matron]

Sounds like the girl he loves didn't like that he almost got with another girl. It seems a bit of an over reaction if you weren't "together", especially as nothing really happened, but I'm on the outside looking in, and really don't know the situation, so I won't try to judge anyone.

I do want to say that I hope things get better, and that I hope you can manage to keep those other vices under control. I've seen how fast things can spiral out, and before you know it everything is shit, and I don't want that to happen to you.

And like I said earlier, you can always im me if you'd like to talk, I'd love to help any way that I can.

I pretty much don't deal with my own grief about things. I just push my feelings down and down and down, then one day, I just break, and I cry and cry for days. Been like that a lot lately, although I've felt better today than I have in a while.

[Jarrid]

I am the same way, Dire. I hold it in until I snap and completely lose my mind for a day. Nice to know you had a good day, though.

[Matron]

Yeah one a week, I'm on a roll! I've been pretty miserable and lonesome all week long.

I got books in the mail today though, how can you have a bad day when you get books?

[Jarrid]

!

I got a book in the mail, too! You are damn right. :D

[Titan Voltaire Maximus]

So, I was extremely high last night because out of my grief comes, like I said, bad habits.

I hope nobody minds me closing this. I thought about deleting it, but I figure you all could continue to see my pathetic cry for attention without feeling the awkwardness to post. :P

Thanks, guys.